Insomnia
by stillgold
Summary: Only when the moon wanes and the sky stays dark, will this love end. But how long does she have?
1. Smoke in the Morning

Trampled cigarettes were strewn on the floor, scattered in different directions. The white paper rolled around burnt, and flown away. Tobacco grounded was crushed into the thick lilac carpeting. Up on her bed, smoke trailed into the hazy air, making distinct objects prosaic and vague. The open window did no good, its coral curtains frowning, like waxy stalactites, curving and bending, the light flirting among them. The scents of violets and blossoms were long gone, replaced with this perfumed mass of oblivion.

She inhaled deeply, and blew out gently the thin plume of smoke. Leaving her heart numb. Yet, comfortably numb. Eyes closed, her thick fringes fluttered. Then opened. She waved her hand eloquently into the smoke above her. Like a white flag in the gray mist. Creating figures. Two warriors fighting-no-kissing tenderly. Again, her thoughts crept to him. She groaned inwardly. This wasn't helping. Frustrated, she compressed her cigarette with her slender fingers and tossed it into the trash can. Its end glowed briefly before flickering out. X-hal! It was hot. She unclasped her silver neck guard and threw it on the ground carelessly. Perspiration formed between her furrowed brows and trickled down her cheek to her now exposed collarbone. Robin. No matter what she did, no matter how hard she tried, she couldn't stop thinking about him. Ever since Raven had hugged him. Embraced him. His hand on her back. His dazed face. The way he held her so close. How could he? Robin. Oh how she adored him. Respected him. Helped him. How she loved him. She loved his passion. His strength. His clever ness. So determined. So patient. So caring. So mysterious. Ever so Robin.

"No one could ever replace you." Again. Her thoughts shifted from him to Raven. Kind, understanding, good friend. Yet, how utterly blissful Raven's face was when she wrapped Robin in her arms. No. What was she thinking. Raven and Robin were just her best friends. Nothing more. Nothing. _Then why do I have such an ache in my heart_? Tears threatened to form and leak out. _Why do I feel as if my whole world can crumble if I see them together like that again?_ With a half-sob, she sat up and stumbled across her room. So obscure in here. She checked her clock. Almost dawn. Clear her head. She had to clear her head. Throwing all the cigarettes into the garbage, she threw the pack away also. After all, she does not get addicted so easily as humans do. It was a waste, seeing other people buy it, hearing that it helped you feel better. Lies. Such deception.

Stepping into the shower, she rinsed all her thoughts away. Refreshed, she put on her uniform and rushed out onto the rooftop. Somebody was already there. At the sound of her entrance, Robin turned around and saw her.

"Star," he breathed. Smiling gently at her beautiful state. The fiery red hair that was being lifted dry by the wind. Her emerald eyes, golden skin, and soft pink lips. Her smile that always made his day. Wait-no smile.

"Good morning, Robin. And what is the reason why you are so early up?" she struggled to maintain her bright cheerful tone. She managed to her relief. But forgetting to smile.

"I came to see the sunrise-Star, what's wrong?" his eyes narrowed worriedly. She winced, barely. When she glanced up, his heart pained. Her usual wonderfully, happy face was clouded with bitter misery. Eyes no longer shining.

"Nothing is wrong." Attempting joy. Robin tilted his head to the side slightly, observing her closely. To convince him, Starfire hugged him. First time in her life regretting it. Because once she had him in her arms, she couldn't let go. She was reminded instantly of Raven. She felt strong arms snake around her waist, holding her tighter. She stepped in closer, making the hug more intimate. 'Raven' fled from her mind.

"Starfire, you can tell me anything. What's wrong?" his breath tickled her ear, making her giggle. It wasn't a jovial one. More of a wistful reaction. She stepped back, Robin's arms still enclosed around her.

"Nothing. Nothing, Robin. I'm sure." she reassured him. Then she let go. Raven back again in her thoughts. She couldn't bear see his face. She left him and returned back into the Tower. Leaving an aching leader staring at the closed door, sunrise forgotten.


	2. Tarot

_What she said:_

_You turn from me_

_as I turn_

_from the cards_

_refusing to face _

_what we see._

_-C. de Lint, "Tarot", _Moonlight and Vines

She shivered, her amethyst eyes glazed over. Sitting up abruptly and pushing her hood over her head. Someone was mad. Someone was in an utter state of insomnia. She could feel the amount of emotions toppling over the Tower. But who…?

"Azerath Metreon Zinthos. Azerath Metreon Zinthos. Azerath Metreon Zinthos," she chanted, her eyes glowing white. She touched each of her friend's auras. Beast Boy. His aura was alight with happiness and sleep. Dead tired, yet happy. Of course. He had woken Cyborg this morning with his immature prank. And had woken Raven also. Grrrr. She smiled then, an idea forming already. Sending a black orb over Beast Boy's alarm clock, so that he'd awaken later. She smirked. Then, Cyborg. The blue aura pulsed sleep also, weariness from the human part, thinking of ways to prank back Beast Boy. Robin. He was troubled as usual. But this time, she detected emotional trouble. Friendship trouble. Trust, slowly ebbing away. Raven was tempted to send out a telepathic message of consolation, but she shrugged it off. Strange that it wasn't him who was dismantling the Tower into pieces. It couldn't be…Starfire! Her aura touched Starfire's. Concerned. Starfire's aura pulsed darkness out. She searched deeper, eyes furrowed. Traces of heartbreak, emotional pain…jealousy! Then she jerked back, without warning. Starfire's aura had unleashed a terrible amount of emotion, burning hot black. Raven's eyes snapped wide open. Since when had Starfire gotten so…tainted? There was absolutely no link of happiness or peace, whatsoever. Only chaos, drawn fathoms, as if addicted.

She reached out her hand and summoned her Tarot Cards to her. They swirled around her in a circle as she focused the cards on her target. Starfire.

"Seven of Cups". The card flipped over revealing …then flipped over to its former position. "The Star". This card too, flipped twice. "The Three of Swords". And this flipped two times as the others did. The corners of her mouth frowned in alarm and disdain. Two times…not good. The ill dignified or reversed meaning. She stared at the tarot cards for a minute, in deep thought. Seven of Cups-wishful thinking and dissipation. The Star- self doubt. Unwillingness or inability to adapt to changing circumstances and accept the opportunities it may bring. Lack of trust. Obstacles to happiness. Rigidity of mind. The Three of Swords- Spiritual and mental confusion, loss, discord, treachery and sorrow. War, breaking of a truce, quarrels and enmity.

Starfire was dangerously close to the edge of insomnia. If this continued, she'd slowly lose her energy and powers. Something…no-someone was upsetting her. And of course, it had to be Robin. Knowing him, he was probably going to notice a decade later when it comes to these situations. Pushing a stray violet lock behind her ear, Raven sighed and closed her eyes, gathering concentration. And opened them again. Blinking. _Yet I wonder…sometimes, people can also be influenced by the same gender…but why would I have any influence to Starfire in any way?_

"Only one way to find out…"

Raven dealt out the tarot deck, eyes never moving from the hypnotizing patterns. She flipped over the three cards. "The Three of Swords". "The Lover". "The Two of Cups". The first one confirmed her thoughts. She was the one factor's cause of Starfire's bad mood. She pondered the latter. The harmony and union, choices to be made using intuition and not intellect. Difficult decisions to be made not necessarily about love. Some form of test and consideration about commitments. Abstract thought, internal harmony and union, second sight. Possibly a struggle between two paths. And she stared at the last… two of cups, two of cups…she had never used this one before either. What was it? She racked her brains to find it. Knowledge gave her the answer. It took a while though. Affection, love, the beginnings of a new romance, partnership or friendship. Resolved differences. Eyes widening in disbelief. Love! Who could she love? Cyborg? Beast Boy? Robin? They were the only males she ever knew. She wavered with her decision. She couldn't love. Well, she could now, since Trigon was obliterated…but…to love really…? She didn't even know what love was. She grimaced. She looked around her room, pondering. Not too deep thoughts though, to notice her mirror. Etched silver frame studded with ruby gems circled the mind portal. The half-demon picked it up, staring into her indigo eyes that now were ringed with a mist of anticipation. The room faded into black, and her vicinity altered.

Pink skies, yellow hills, and purplish blossoms winked under the golden sun. Great. Just who she needed right now. Happy. Raven growled and prepared herself for a crushing hug.

"Hey Raven!" Happy shouted in elation. Her pink robe billowed out as she rushed into Raven, knocking her down.

"What's the idea?" Raven sat up and winced as Happy constricted her in a "hug".

"We have a newcomer who just arrived yesterday! She's been hiding in a dark cave until she finally decided to come out! And welcome the beautiful bright sun! Heehee!" And with that, Happy jumped up and down, skipping out of sight. Raven repressed her urge to slap tape over her mouth. What a chatterbox. The color pink wanted to make her hurl…why did she even have Happy here anyway? When had she ever _been_ happy…? _Whateve_r. And Happy had no sense to tell her who the newcomer was. Even greater.

She walked on, past the rocky archway. Instantly meeting a strange sight. A deep roseate hooded figure was strangling a crimson robed Raven. And Hate was growing redder by the second. "LET…GO… OF… ME!"

The deep pink hooded Raven giggled and released her. "I love you dearly, Sister Hate!" The real Raven gasped. Love!

"Well…I DON'T! LEAVE ME ALONE!" Hate pushed her away. Sending Love to the floor. Love pushed back her hood. Her hair was long and wavy. She had on a traditional corset laced in front and a shorter skirt than Starfire. Raven's shoes? Unfortunately…no. She had on seductive high heels. Very suggestive, if appearing to a boy.

"We're sisters! We love each other! Come on, admit it!"

Hate stalked off fuming, steam gushing from her ears. Raven stood there, unsure of what to do. Love spotted her.

"Oh, Raven! I've longed to speak with you ever since Trigon has been defeated! I'm Love. Your new emotion. And I'm sure you want to know who you love. You-"

"Wait-What do you mean love? Who on earth could I love? I don't even know what love is!"

"Dearest Raven…you do know what love is. You've known, ever since you were born into the world of Azerath. Ever since you joined Teen Titans. Ever since you saw… Beast Boy."

And that's when Raven blacked out.


	3. Running

Running. Running. Always running. Tick tock. The clock's running. Running…out of time! Hurry! Run! Go! A figure dressed in a crisp white dress. The trim decorated with cute red hearts outlined in black. Striped stockings covering thin but strong legs. Running. Green arms wrapped around a clock in a shape of a white rabbit. The rabbit's black eyes boring into forest green eyes. Blonde hair swishing about shoulders. God. It was starting to hurt. Clutched his stomach. Why was it so hard to run? He stopped breathless, oblivious to the surroundings around him. Willow trees that were crudely drawn on the background. Colorful butterflies that resembled buttered toast. Huge toadstools, their splotches contrasting with red. Where am I? The wind blew between his legs, and the dress flew up. What! Beast Boy stared down. He was wearing a dress. A golden tress flowed down his front. He grabbed it…and crept his fingers up to his head. He had long blonde hair. And he couldn't take it off! He yanked and scratched. For god's sake, he had been turned into a girl. He plopped down under the willow tree's shade and huffed, crossing his arms. This was _so_ wrong. He looked up. A leaf fluttered down his eye. Blinked.

Violet eyes slowly rolling around the sockets. A large lavender tail. The cat's body starting to fade from the tree's branch. Then the Chesiree Cat grinned. The huge smile the only part of it left. "Good morning, Beast Boy. Time to wake up."

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

Beast Boy screamed. The scream bounced off, vibrating on the walls, sounding into the whole tower. He sat up on his tangled sheets. In his bed. He looked around, wiping his forehead full of sweat. Beast Boy was panting, obviously relieved. Just a dream. Oh, good. His relief lasted only for two seconds.

"BRIIIIIIIIIIIING!" He looked at his clock beside him. 9:00! How did that happen? He was supposed to wake up two hours ago. He was late, late, late! He slapped a hand over his head. What was wrong with him? Why was he thinking of the white rabbit? He jumped into his uniform and ran the fastest he could go.

"DUDES! WHY DIDN'T YOU WAKE ME UP?"

He stood defiant, both hands on his hips. The team looked up from their morning activities and sweat dropped.

"Uh, sorry, Beast Boy. I didn't notice." Robin sweat dropped.

"Ha! And that's for getting me, BB!" Cyborg was rolling on the floor hysterical, and paused to wink at Raven. She rolled her eyes but the corners of her mouth lifted.

"You did this!" Beast Boy cried out now embarrassed. He looked sideways to Raven and blushed in shame. She must think he was really immature.

"Uh-yeah!" Cyborg chuckled a bit nervously and avoided Raven's glare.

"It's really okay, dude. I'm sorry about this morning too, Cy."

Raven looked up from her book surprised. And scooted away when Beast Boy sat next to her on the sofa. She couldn't help but notice how cute he looked. His unruly hair sticking up and his adorable eyes melting into hers…No! What was she thinking? How could she love him? A lamp exploded in a burst of black energy. Beast Boy tensed up and glanced around the room.

"By the way, where's Starfire?"

As if right on cue, she walked into the room, looking glum. The atmosphere around her immediately shifted from warm to ice cold. Robin stood up, worried. He peered at her and saw her eyes were heavily shadowed.

"I'm going to take a walk outside. Please, if any of my fellow Titan friends need me, contact me by the communicator. Goodbye."

"Starfire-can I come with you?" Robin laid a comforting hand on her cold arm. She placed it off gently and shook her head to the side.

"No."

It was brief, that one word. And it hurt. She walked out without a coat on and shut the door closed. Robin stood there, his eyes clouded behind his mask, disguising his pain. Raven observed the scene that had unfolded before her, like paper wings that weren't made to fly. She clapped her book shut and stood up from the couch.

"Robin. We need to talk." Her amethyst eyes glimmered, refusing to show any emotion.

He looked at her confused. "Sure. What?"

"Not here."

With that, she grabbed his shoulder and enveloped them into a black orb, transporting them out of sight. They landed in front of the greenhouse. It was quiet and peaceful enough. She led him into a secluded area.

"I'm not sure how to begin this…but it's about Starfire." Raven closed her eyes, and tapped her forehead. Robin nodded.

"I thought it was that. Why is she acting like this?"

"I…" Raven bit her lip guiltily, "I think it's because of me…including you too."

Robin's eyes widened. He sputtered, "You? Me? What could we possibly have done to make her act like that?"

"Robin. I know you're not an idiot. Well…actually…you are. Because you're not seeing what's right in front of your face. I know how you feel about Starfire."

"Hey-I…" he stopped. What could he say, anyway?

Raven pondered for a minute. She couldn't tell Robin that Starfire loved him. Because that was Starfire's business entirely. And she respected her. These were her two best friends on the verge of falling into depression. But she couldn't tell. At least she was not the one to tell. They had to tell each other. It would be wrong if she spilled out Starfire's secret.

"Robin. I know that our relationship is just a brother and sister one."

"Yeah. And you're the most cynical person I've ever met." He smirked. A light teasing tone had crept into his voice. Raven rolled her eyes.

"This is not a time to joke around. I'm just trying to say, you should at least try to get to know Starfire better. She's…not herself these days. I think you could at least try to compensate her.

"I tried," Robin growled, frustrated, "I tried but she keeps everything to herself these days!"

"Well try harder. Because if you don't, I have a feeling that she's going to lose her faith in you." Raven snapped. Her temper rising. Really, his ignorance was just too much.

"You know what's bothering her, don't you Raven." Robin maintained a cool voice.

"Yes. But I don't intend to tell you. Because her secret is hers to tell. Remember what I told you, Robin." Raven put on her hood and materialized back into the Tower.

Robin stared into empty space for a while. Then he started ripping up his carefully tended plants. Until the last leaf had fallen.

Sorry this took so long. But I took a vacation break. Well-this is more of a humor break for this story. I promise you, there will be MUCH more action after the next chapter. I'll update as soon as I can.


	4. Only the Beginning

The sky shifted. A glove put out the sun in the sphere and Starfire could feel her energy slowly ebb away. It could be so simple. _Just ask Raven._ But she could not do that. She valued her friendships and she didn't want to come in between the blue goth and wonderful boy she'd grown to love. Yet bitter thoughts trickled into her head. Small seeds planted to unleash the most terrible evil known. An evil that would make the planter…invincible.

"She is more complex. And I am only a simple girl. It is no wonder why Robin has chosen her instead of me…" Tears spilled out as she cried out her anguish. _I have never known…that loving…could be so painful._ And she stayed there, watching the ocean curl into solemn waves, lapping the sand's whispers away.

She trudged back reluctantly. Angry at herself for being such a fool thinking Robin could love such an alien as herself. Angry that no one cared to see where she'd went. Angry…that Robin could never love her.

"Home." She whispered. The word seemed so artificial now. "The Tower is no longer mine to share or dwell in. For I am probably bnot wanted there. What is my place here anyway…on Earth?" Deep inside, she knew. Robin. _But Robin does not love me_. A battlefield sprung inside her. What to do, what to do. Her emerald eyes glistened in sadness. _I will stay one more day, one more night…to see… if they truly care. _

And so, the Tamaranian Princess walked up to her room, door locked. Little did she know, a pair of onyx eyes were following her retreating figure. Black cracked lips moved…"My beautiful angel…you will be mine." Deep underneath the grounds of Mother Earth, a laugh hung in the silence of the dead. And a monster was beginning to live.


	5. A Voice

"_Never fall in love…" he had said to her. _

"_Why?"_

"_Love brings pain, my dear. And love's pain…is the most terrible pain you'll ever feel. Don't ever fall in love."_

_She had just nodded, the piece of information squeezing through her ears, bubbles blowing in the soft air…then popping. Galfore looked at her chasing the bubbles on Earth. After a while, Starfire flew back to him, eyes alight and sad at the same time. _

"_Is this truly your choice? To stay on Earth until you are ready to marry?"_

"_Yes."_

"_Then, goodbye, my sweet Starfire."_

"_Goodbye, dear Galfore."_

"_Always remember Tameran. Please, visit us when you want."_

"_I'll remember."_

_And with a parting wave, a kiss, and a hug, Galfore entered back onto his ship, drifting back to Tameran-without his beloved princess._

Starfire laid out on her circular bed. All these things in her room…Tameran. Home. Where she belonged…why was she still here? If Robin does not love her, then she might as well leave. One more day. Just one more and I'll go. She lay in the darkness, wearing only her undergarments. She couldn't sleep on the bed anymore. She moved the circular mattress and tossed it aside. Fingernails digging into her skin, clutched hard. She sat in the dead center of the night. How hard it was to meditate now…meditate…even Raven was at the mares of her night…as Robin had-oh, Robin…every thought had to circumspect around those two. Those lovebirds. Hatred surged and poured through every vein in her body. Her eyes were turning darker and darker…forest green. The black of the night…how beautiful the black was. Almost as if it was dark glass. But more glow to the sheathe. She opened her mouth to scream. Nothing gasped out. Nothing, nothing, nothing…screams were raging inside though. But none could get through her barrier within herself…what was going on? She held her head between her hands. Why…why did her head hurt so much? So dizzy, she couldn't see now. It was so dark…Robin…she needed him…she managed to rasp out one word. One name.

"Robin."

And then she fell to the floor, back facing the pale moonlight.

Robin woke up with sweat trickling all over his forehead, back…he sensed something was wrong. Starfire! He leapt to the door and ran down the hall. Starfire, she had to be alright. She had to. If she wasn't…_oh god, I can't think about that!_

He pounded on the door, knuckles white. "Starfire, Star! Open up! Starfire!"

Such a faint voice…so far away…so tired, ever so tired. _I want to fall and sleep…forever. So why can't I sleep? Please…I want to sleep, I can't, I want to, I can't…I can't sleep…_the voice was clearer now. Stronger. "STARFIRE!"

Her eyelids moved and fluttered once. Just as the door slammed down. It was Robin. He rushed towards her, face lined with worry and shock. Starfire tried moving, but couldn't. She could only stare at him. Her mouth parted open and eyes…eyes still black.

"Starfire! What's wrong! Say something! Why won't you say something!"

She barely winced. His fury was ice cold, right down to her spine. "I'm…sorry."

The voice was barely a whisper…then she collapsed into the arms of Robin.

You guys are probably furious w/ me rite now…I had writer's block…work…well, now you have it. And don't worry-this is NOT the final chapter. I repeat-NOT the final chapter. Oh yeah-does anyone know when the Teen Titans movie will come out?


	6. Sleeping Beauty Revamp

Hope you enjoy!

Beauty of Sleeping

The machine beeped as the green line raced up and down across to the right. Curtains closed and the unearthly whiteness of the floor tiles gave off a ghostly glow. The walls were a nursery blue, fake and too cheery. But all that seemed so bright and warm compared to the patient's pallid face and body. Her skin had turned death-white and it was a shock- a huge shock to all the Titans. The grey metallic doors usually around the whole Tower were replaced by a swinging robin egg door for the Sick Room. It squeaked open and Cyborg winced slightly. He came in, steps ever so careful not to wake the patient or her other visitor. Robin noticed though. Cyborg could feel the fatigue ness from Robin settling down into the core of his body. So overwhelming. He strode toward Robin and placed a comforting hand on his shoulder.

"She's going to be alright."

Instead of looking more relieved, he cringed and ran a gloved hand through his unruly spikes. He turned his face to the side and stared at the floor, looking anywhere but at Starfire or Cyborg. His mouth felt dry. "This is my fault."

Cyborg blinked in surprise. This was different. He was actually talking about what happened. Clearly, Starfire meant the world to him. And this time-he actually realized what this was all about. He had already noticed something strange about her these days, but he was too afraid to mention it to Robin. Cyborg stayed silent, willing his friend to go on.

Robin had a pained look on his countenance. He licked his dry lips and opened his mouth. It came out as a strained croak. "I… I didn't know at first. I didn't. I really didn't. I tried every time I saw her. I wanted to tell her…I wanted….she wasn't going to tell me, and my pride got in the way. I was too stubborn to tell her. She didn't know, and I'm not even sure if she'll know…now."

His voice was breaking up and his forehead was creased with despaired lines. "All this time I could have stopped her. God, I was so ignorant."

"Nobody knew Robin."

He looked up at that and his teeth clenched in anger. "Nobody knew?" He was growing angrier by the second, raising his voice and knocking his chair aside. Cyborg backed away slowly. "You knew. Raven knew. And for crying out loud, even Beast Boy knew! You all knew. And not one of you had the time to tell me. Not one."

Robin glared at Cyborg as if it were all his fault. Cyborg suddenly felt very tired. Very, very tired. He looked at his hands, cupped around air. Robin looked at them. What did he want? His blood? He stood still, but spoke. Every word, ringing into Robin's ears. "Alright. We don't deny it. We knew. We knew and we hinted. Told. Showed. Tried to even shove your faces towards each other…and well, you were too much of an arse to realize."

A pregnant silence sustained.

Then Robin slowly sat back down on the chair and looked up at Cyborg, smiling sadly. "You're right, Cyborg. I _am_ an arse."

Cyborg looked at him and laid his hand on his friend's shoulder.

"She'll be alright, Robin."

"I hope so," he barely whispered. He was hanging on to that hope, no matter how far it seemed. After all, he had never gone back without a fight. But for now, there seemed to appear a smile, graced upon the girl's lips. The sun rose radiantly alongside her.

-I'm sorry to say that this fiction will be discontinued. For all you guys out there who have stuck with me through it all, I thank you deeply. I read all your words and comments and I am truly gratified for your support. As it happens to some writers, interests fade and die. I loved this pairing. Yet this is the only chapter that I had come up with. Writer's block and lack of interest are the main reasons why I'm giving up on it. I hope you'll enjoy this chapter. And if any of you ever wondered, no. I had never thought of making Starfire die in this fiction. She lives, as do Robin and the rest of Teen Titans.

Signing out,

ivorymusicbox.


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